I never thought that the military would change who I was at my core. When I joined the Air Force in 2006, I went through some immediate changes when I was shipped to Texas for basic training. This began the desensitization process. My job was Operations Intelligence which is a very dynamic field that practices many disciplines within American Intelligence Apparatus.
Who would have thought that when I joined the Air Force that I would spend so much time on the ground with the Marines and Army? A few short months after finishing technical school and going to my first duty station I found myself on a deployment to Iraq working with the Marine Corps for the next 9 months of my life. During this period I saw many life altering things that gave me a different perspective on life. The world to me became different on a fundamental basis.
Following my first deployment with the Marines, I was able to spend some time on a completely different mission at Whiteman AFB working to support the B-2 Bomber. Much of what I did is shrouded in obscurity and vanity; however it was a great place to recover from my first deployment. The military lifestyle can be very fast paced. During that time, my life seemed to go into overdrive with constant traveling and attending different trainings, getting married to another service member (big mistake), and having a son.
I missed a lot of those big moments as a father and husband because of the necessary trauma brought on by the military lifestyle. I found myself becoming very cynical and apathetical. Extremes brought this on. When your horizons are broadened so far, the middle becomes more and more muddled. By the time I went to Korea in 2011, the desensitization process was nearly complete.
While I was in Korea, I started to feel the urgency to pursue higher education as I felt that my military service might be coming to an end. My wife was in the process of leaving me during that time so I threw myself into as many classes as I could to escape reality while half way around the world. I now appreciate how it all happened. This process, personal and professional, while in the military was equally influential. It drove me to do many things that pushed me to become stronger physically and emotionally.
It wasn’t until my last deployment to Afghanistan that I decided the military wasn’t for me. I was in the middle of a divorce, custody battle, security clearance reinvestigation, PCS, and multiple training trips. I was scarred from these deployments and things I had seen while serving and was just plain tired. I received my honorable discharge at the end of 2013. I didn’t realize till I was out that I could more clearly see how my military service changed my life.
While preparing to separate, I had high hopes of getting good employment as a civilian. I had completed an associate degree and nearly completed my Bachelors. My security clearance was still active and I had exemplary military training and experience. I separated expecting to get a job with my qualifications that were no less than six figures. After seven months of unemployment, my hopes and dreams were crushed. After getting custody of my son, I took the first job I could get, working at Lowe’s third shift stocking. I’m sure you can imagine.
As a single father with no help at all, I found myself in another state of needing to adapt to life and hardship. Times were bitter sweet as I had my son but was still trying to recover from everything the military had put me through. I realized that the time and effort spent had no real credible use so I decided to seek a commodity based education. I put aside all my military experience and qualifications to start completely fresh. I received an associate of General Technology with a major in Gunsmithing. Now I am trying to completely put the military behind me by finishing this Bachelor so I can eventually apply to medical school.
In summary, my military service has changed me in so many ways it’s difficult to put into words. It is a compilation of memories, experiences, and knowledge that all seems frail and vain as it’s summarized by a DD214 and 70% disability. The only ones who can really relate are those with you at those specific life changing moments. Thank you for your time and consideration.
